1) Jesus and Mount Olive:
What happened to Jesus when he went to mount Olive?
...Popeye kicked the f**k out of him.
2) A Posh git in the woods:
Tarquin the upperclass git comes accross a beautiful naked woman lying i the forest with her legs spread wide open. Not believing his luck, he approaches her and asks her if she`s game. The woman smiles sexily and replies "yes". So he shoots her.
3) The Kerb- crawler:
A boy is walking down the road when a car pulls over. "If you get in," the driver says "I`ll give you £10." the boy refuses and keeps walking. A bit further along the man again pulls over. "Okay £20 and a bag of sweets? The boy tells him to p**s off and carries on walking. Still further up the road the man again pulls up to the Kerb. "Right," he says. "This is my final offer, I`ll give you £50 and all the sweets you can eat." The little boy stops walking and leans into the wondow of the car and says: "Look," he hisses. "You bought the Fu***ng Lada, Dad, and you can live with it."